As high school friends that become English majors complain about their crazy hard homework and schedules, I often find myself daydreaming about what my life would be like at a liberal arts school.

Let’s take a look!

““““““

8am- Wake up, smile, shower, go to class

9am- Sit in English class, everything makes sense!

10am – More class, its basic calculus, oh boy this one’s a toughy

11-1pm – Meetings for all the fun clubs I have time for

1pm- Super excited for lunch today, I not only have time to eat but I am going off campus

1-2pm – Oops took a longer lunch, but that’s ok, I’ll just push back my nap

2-5pm – Naptime, everything is happy, I might not get a job but at least I’m not depressed

5-6pm – Still a little sleepy, might have to grab some Starbucks, but honestly I don’t even need caffeine!

6-7pm – Time for golf practice, some people say it’s hard to play a sport and balance school- but I seem to be doing fine

7-8pm – My friends and I love to watch Master Chef Junior, it’s a weekly thing

8-10pm – These are my busy hours! Need to eat, shower (again), and even write a paragraph for my class on the cultural and societal impact of Post Malone

10-12am – Go to a WPI frat party to meet my future rich spouse, those nerds look so tired

12-1am – Head home and go to bed, I love being well rested

““““““

TLDR: Our schedules are awful but at least we are really stimulating our minds through project based learning. Layer un racoonst! 

https://www.zazzle.com/project_based_partying_shot_shot_glass-256016701249929551

In the distance you can hear the murmur of a student in denial, “It’s a good school for my program,” he whines over the phone.

Each day, the campus reverberates with students attempting to reassure themselves that there is a glimpse of hope in their college decision. While most are struggling to come to the realization that they will amount to very little, other students, alternatively, are taking solace in the fact that their education is almost entirely meaningless.

This past Wednesday, a Junior English Major came forward to explain to The Institute that all of her classes are an “absolute joke.” “My Poetry 1 teacher gives you an A for just showing up,” she explained as she sent a selfie of herself with a Pumpkin Spice Latte captioned, “My diet starts tomorrow!”  

Another sophomore psychology student agreed, “I gave up on classes a semester ago, I want to find a rich husband. I put more energy into finding my future man than I do my classes and Worcester State has encouraged me to do this every step of the way.”

Worcester State males concur. “I’ve wanted to grow up and get a decent job my whole life, but after meeting some of the successful women the city has to offer, I’m starting to think it’d be better for society if I became a trophy husband,” reported a senior communication major.

“Our students should not be getting caught up in the tediousness of classes and learning when we are in a city full of great[er] colleges,” says Worcester State’s Dean of Academic Affairs. “These students should be looking elsewhere for ways to marry up. We’re proud to announce that we are now the first university to offer a NEASC accredited degree in Social Mobility through Marriage.”

Fortunately for the students, Worcester is home to one elite tech school that tops the charts in starting salary, providing ample opportunity for students to earn this newfound degree.

“I’m going to pursue this with everything I’ve got. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take!” the junior added as she finished her handle of fireball.

The second semester has kicked off at colleges nationwide. Students are forced to return from the sanctuary of their Netflix-filled breaks and trudge back into the classroom for another 4 months. At WPI, the adjustment time back into class typically takes about a day for the easy classes and about 4-6 minutes for some of the more intense classes. Other schools, on the other hand, take a more relaxed approach to preparing students for the semester ahead.

“Here at UMass Amherst, we take about a solid month to get students off their feet and motivated to do some work,” explained the Dean of Academic Affairs. “We advise our professors to slowly go through the 2 page syllabus and to save time for questions, as well as for drunk students to leave class 15 minutes early.”

What has been termed, “Syllabus Month,” has turned into a time for students to get wasted, plastered and intoxicated.

“I’ve blacked out every night this month,” one cross-faded senior exclaimed, “I missed the first two weeks of Syllabus Month and then blacked in when we were going over how many points the homeworks are worth.”

Professor’s are also on board with the campus’s policy to baby their students, “It’s great to really give them an indepth look at the curriculum,” one professor told The Institute, “You can tell most of them are tired and hungover so I don’t want to work them too hard, normally we’ll go over one or two bullet points and then wrap up for the day. It’s a good way to ease them into it.”

Now that the month is coming to a close, the campus has taken on a solemn tone as students begin grapple with the thought of having to complete actual work. But the majority of the students seem relatively unphased. “It really doesn’t even matter to me that syllabus month is over, “ a hipster sophomore explained, “ I came here to take a joke major and easy classes and I am still going to continue partying at the same pace I do now.”