campus – The Institute

Administration Approves ‘Keystone Light XL’ Pipeline to Deliver Low Quality Beer to Fraternities

The Institute — Thu, 04 Feb 2021 02:45:24 +0000

Under new administration, the Keystone XL pipeline has been seeking new ownership after deals with the US government fell through. Excitingly, this came with a significant price drop due to the unusually large nature of the pipe. While few in the oil industry saw a viable new use for the large throughput pipe, visionaries on The Tech’s board of directors saw a new use: rapid beer delivery. As it turns out, the unused pipe was found to deliver the unusually high volume necessary to quench the stress-induced thirst of engineers.

After striking a deal with the Coors Brewing Company, the pipeline was aptly dubbed the ‘Keystone Light XL’ Pipeline, which will happily provide Keystone Light to mask the metallic taste of the pipe with a flavor that already seems to taste skunked from the factory. While not confirmed, rumors began to swirl early Monday about also plumbing the school steam system boiler with the same supply, due to Keystone Light actually being worth less than water.

It wasn’t all sunshine and roses though, as interviews with fraternity brothers unveiled. When approached for an interview, ΠEE brother Kyle Edgye explained there was “Literally no way for the boys to shotgun the pipeline.” A tragic loss indeed. A local liquor store owner who wished to remain anonymous stated that he was scared about the loss of sales. “It’s an impossible battle. The pipeline is even better at ignoring fakes than we are.”, explained the owner. When this complication and others like it are resolved, we are eager to see the impact the pipeline will have on the local frat scene.

10 Best Places at WPI to Take Tasteful Nudes

The Institute — Thu, 28 Feb 2019 02:59:09 +0000

If there’s one thing every college student needs, its nudes. Not the scandal-inducing unprofessional ones, but tasteful, well-planned, immaculately posed nudes. It’s finals week folks and someone in your life may be in need of a pick me up, so we here at The Institute want to help you find the perfect location. Here are some of our personal favorites:

The WPI Entrance Sign- Not only does this sign have great light, nothing screams WPI like taking a picture where Institute meets West. Post this baby on Facebook, your relatives will be so proud!

2. The Fishbowl Tech Suite- For all you exhibitionists out there, take some great pics while also giving the first floor of the library a bit of a show. After the dull day that they’ve had, the librarians will thank you.

3. Higgins House- After seeing all the great wedding photoshoots that have happened here, it’s no question that this is the place for all you classy nude folk

4. The CDC- Looking for a new LinkedIn photo? Nothing screams professionalism like a nude photo shoot in front of this building!

5. Admissions- Welcome future engineers to GoatNation by showing off all that WPI has to offer!

6. The Rec Center – The dance studios boast natural light, a great view of the WPI quad, and exercise mats that haven’t been cleaned for years – basically, all you can ask for.

7. The Seal – Run for your life after taking a daring selfie.

8. The Fountain – Can’t you picture it? The sun gleaming, the water glistening on your nude body! #nut

9. Auntie Anne’s – Take some pics, show off that pretzel dog!

10. Gompei- This one is self-explanatory, there is no better place than astride our honored mascot.