After striking a deal with the Coors Brewing Company, the pipeline was aptly dubbed the ‘Keystone Light XL’ Pipeline, which will happily provide Keystone Light to mask the metallic taste of the pipe with a flavor that already seems to taste skunked from the factory. While not confirmed, rumors began to swirl early Monday about also plumbing the school steam system boiler with the same supply, due to Keystone Light actually being worth less than water.

It wasn’t all sunshine and roses though, as interviews with fraternity brothers unveiled. When approached for an interview, ΠEE brother Kyle Edgye explained there was “Literally no way for the boys to shotgun the pipeline.” A tragic loss indeed. A local liquor store owner who wished to remain anonymous stated that he was scared about the loss of sales. “It’s an impossible battle. The pipeline is even better at ignoring fakes than we are.”, explained the owner. When this complication and others like it are resolved, we are eager to see the impact the pipeline will have on the local frat scene.

10. “Slide” by Calvin Harris ft. Frank Ocean / Closer – The Chainsmokers /  All Night Longer – Sammy Adams / “Lean On” by Major Lazer / “Sorry” by Justin Bieber

…  etc etc

Don’t kid yourself, these are all the same song. [Song title] by [Artist Name] is the Natty Light of music. The first one was tough to stomach. After 10 of them, they go down like water! Literally perfect for when you can’t hear anything anyway! 

9. Old Town Road (Remix) – Lil Nas X & Billy Ray Cyrus

Where were you when racism was officially ended? Relive that moment over and over again at your favorite fraternity rager. Just make sure that your horses are in the back, your hat is matte black, and that you have the boots to match. Yee. Haw.

8. Low – Flo Rida

The best song for dipping your ass into frat party basement sludge, Low manages to amp up the crowd without fail. If the dance floor wasn’t crowded enough, picture 100 unathletic WPI students trying to do squats at the same time. Sounds like a party to me.

7. Gold Digger – Kanye West

Despite being able to sing only half the song’s lyrics, the woo tech student body continues to eat this shit up weekend after weekend. With an average starting salary of $69,000 in 2017, this song hits close to home for many here at WPI. Thank you Kanye, very cool!

6. Mr. Brightside – The Killers

If the national anthem were written by drunk white people, it would sound like Mr. Brightside by The Killers. Statistically, the most likely time for freshman to be transported is during this song. 

5. Gasolina – Daddy Yankee ft. Glory

Escúchame. Just because you got back from IQP in Ecuador doesn’t mean you’re qualified to sing along to this. Trying to remember lyrics in a language you don’t know just makes you look ēstupido. 

4. Paper Planes – M.I.A.

Cha-ching! The sound effects in this song alone make it an instant classic. The only reason that this one isn’t higher on the list is because we live in Worcester, and those might be real gunshots. Stay safe out there.

3. Any song by Lizzo

Oh that boy who you weren’t dating just broke up with you? Time to grab your girls and show the 70% male population at WPI what women empowerment really looks like. 100% that bitch aimiright ladies!

2. Hey Ya! – OutKast

See http://reductress.com/post/6-desserts-that-are-better-than-sex-but-not-as-good-as-hey-ya-by-outkast/

1. Hey Ya! – OutKast

OutKast does it  yet again! Topping the charts for the second time in the same list, Hey Ya! proves to be a mainstay in both fraternity basements, and our hearts. <3

• Are you currently affiliated with a fraternity or sorority?
• Are you female?
• How many brothers do you know?
• Have you ever been transported?
• Really though, have you?

REVIEW YOUR OFFER

We will match you with the FratPass credit card that best fits your social profile. If you answered no to question 2, less than 5 to question 3, or yes to questions 4 or 5, your social score makes you ineligible for a FratPass, and you’re SOL. Try again next term, chief.

ACCEPT YOUR OFFER!

The perks you expect from a fraternity, without the responsibility.

• Smart Partying with the 5 Brother Guarantee
• Eco-friendly, paperless drink cards
• First 10 Drinks Free*
• 8% BAC, Always
• Peace of mind with VIP rush hour line skipping
• Extended Warranty Protection for up to one academic term
• CTRL-F list checking technology provides that extra layer of security

Collect points, get rewarded.

Eligible cardholders will have access to FratPass Credit Rewards. Collect points that can be redeemed toward ragers, merchandise, or clout back to your card or into your account!

COMING EARLY 2019