After striking a deal with the Coors Brewing Company, the pipeline was aptly dubbed the ‘Keystone Light XL’ Pipeline, which will happily provide Keystone Light to mask the metallic taste of the pipe with a flavor that already seems to taste skunked from the factory. While not confirmed, rumors began to swirl early Monday about also plumbing the school steam system boiler with the same supply, due to Keystone Light actually being worth less than water.

It wasn’t all sunshine and roses though, as interviews with fraternity brothers unveiled. When approached for an interview, ΠEE brother Kyle Edgye explained there was “Literally no way for the boys to shotgun the pipeline.” A tragic loss indeed. A local liquor store owner who wished to remain anonymous stated that he was scared about the loss of sales. “It’s an impossible battle. The pipeline is even better at ignoring fakes than we are.”, explained the owner. When this complication and others like it are resolved, we are eager to see the impact the pipeline will have on the local frat scene.

“Yeah, I saw it. He just walked over and picked it up. What a great guy.”, said Greg Gregson a witness to this heroic event.

“He didn’t even think anyone was watching”, said Cindy Smyth as her friends, with looks of adoration on their faces, sighed.

And we’re not talking about your standard Coca Cola can. No no, this was one of those big ass Arizona Iced Tea cans. The selflessness and dedication to service shown today put many to tears. This just goes to show that WPI Greek Life isn’t like others schools, here community service is at the forefront of all of our minds. This act of conscious environmentalism will solidify this local man as a role model for all fraternity men everywhere.

At press time the same local fraternity man was spotted picking up a wayward Dunks cup, several girls were seen fanning themselves, and litterers everywhere quaked in fear.