“Every time I walk into the I&E room, I always see students collaborating on projects or homework. This is unacceptable.” says a WPI administrator, “While we understand this may be frustrating, it was never meant to be an open study space.”

The $49 million, 78,000-square-foot open study space, which opened in 2018, boasted a minimalistic open floor plan in order to foster a collaborative environment for all WPI students. “Foisie’s unique architectural design is ripe for division,” says the administrator, “There’s so much open space to put up walls. It just makes sense.”

Still, WPI students are unconvinced that this segmentation of study space is a good thing, especially with the school’s growing class size. Currently, there are 30 seats in the innovation studio divided among 10 tables, for a student body of 6,642. Closing off the I&E room reduces these numbers to 4 and 1, respectively. 

WPI assuaged these concerns in the press release. “Not only will more seats for studying be available in the makerspace,” stated the press release, “but we will also be installing bandsaws, sanders, and grinders to provide calming white noise.”

“I guess Foisie is gonna be a little… noisy” said a WPI Administrator as he chuckled and twirled his mustache. The press release further described that the room will be repurposed for students with start ups, “It just makes sense to reserve space for them, I mean we love innovation and everything but we’re really hoping they’ll be successful and donate money back to us.”

A particularly baffling section of the statement read, “It is of utmost importance that the I&E room becomes the incubator. Its large windows allow massive amounts of sunlight to enter the room, simulating a mother’s embrace, and provides enough heat for the eggs to develop and hatch.” We here at the Institute aren’t sure if they’re thinking of the right kind of incubator. 

At press time, your roommate and their shitty startup can be seen creating a counter petition to this one, that you should totally sign, here: https://www.change.org/p/worcester-polytechnic-institute-foisie-space-for-students

The system, which was slated to be turned on in conjunction with the studio’s opening, faced initial delays. “Odor detecting” sensors in the ceiling had to be fine tuned to IMGD specific frequencies in order for the system to work correctly. Since this issue was resolved, all students with a body odor of 8.7 or above will be doused with water while walking under certain zones in the Foisie Innovation Studio.

There seemed to be some confusion amongst students, with some thinking the showering system was merely a “pipeline leak” rather than a planned feature. Front desk employees reassured The Institute staff that it was in fact the intended design, citing a flawless construction record in the past. A leaked slide deck regarding the design was sent in anonymously, confirming the intentions of the architect.

While plenty of praise has been given to the clever building feature, Foisie’s design has also received some negative attention. One IMGD students who wished to remain unnamed reported feeling “absolutely devastated”, with a 10 week streak of non-showering being broken with no prior warning. In another instance, a student reported losses of $12,390 when the system sprayed soapy water on 3 textbooks, ruining them on contact.

The weeks following should prove interesting, as the shower system is further fine tuned. Of course, check in with The Institute for further updates.

Details are currently being hashed out–at this time it is unclear whether the Abercrombie & Fitch will be located next door by the Orange Julius, or on the second floor of the building by the Sunglasses Hut. However, the school assured students that kiosks selling fidget spinners, do-it-yourself spray tans, and pet hermit crabs would be conveniently located adjacent to the Cash for Gold.

At press time, administrators were seen wiping pretzel dog crumbs off their pants before posing for an Instagram pic captioned “#InnovateEverything.”

“Say cheese dip!” said the photographer.