Bad mouth it all you want- the space age- polymer recliners and open floor plan do wonders for the love seat. Spend a 2 hour lecture in Foisie and leave as fresh and breezy as you came in. 

6. Salisbury Labs

In addition to its calming greenhouse roof, Salisbury labs is also home to the WPI humanities & arts program. There is nothing to fear here, no sweating required. 

5. Flupper

One missed step and it’s all over. The sharp 105 degree incline going up the Flupper steps is enough to make even Indiana Jones sweat. Not to mention, if you aren’t careful,  the soft cushy chairs can leave your pants looking like the reflection pool. 

4. Flower (Fuller Lower for you uncultured fucks)

All of the logistical problems of Flupper in a compact, personal package. In Flower you can actually see your Professor’s chest hair. Way too close for comfort. 

3. Olin Hall

Remember that physics class you took here freshman year? Wasn’t that fun? See- you’re sweating now just thinking about it.

2. Atwater Kent 

Quite possibly the most popular hall on campus, AK’s high ranking is the result of a self-selecting sweaty kid pool. Home to the ECE and RBE programs, AK’s course material alone is enough to make you perspire.

1. Stratton Hall

Class on the third floor and no elevator in sight? You might as well have class in a nuclear reactor. That’s on fire. In a volcano. On the sun.

Passionate botanist Meghan, who was volunteering at the event, told the Institute, “Honestly I was really excited to talk to people about growing plants, I definitely wasn’t expecting people to show up after blowing pants. Another student continued by saying, “There’s a yearning to connect with the earth, going in and seeing green things makes you feel better on a primal level.” Sources at the event though say three underclassmen worrying about their ‘fertile soil” were overheard demanding free condoms.

“I told him to wrap his twig and berries”, said one confused attendee, “… but I got stuck in his penis fly trap.” Later, the attendee frantically searched for ways to prevent the fruit of the womb, but in all the wrong places. “Orchids? I thought you said ‘or-kid!”

Meghan added to her previous statements, “I feel like we need to get to the root of the problem here. The title really does plant seeds of doubt in the minds of students, but the pun is so clever that we aren’t changing it. Kids who roll in asking for free shit have to make like a tree and leaf.”

Like many of the plants in Plant Parenthood, birth control has a stigma. So don’t be a pansy and figure it out, grow up, and wrap it before you sap it.

If you’d like to become a proud parent: https://www.wpi.edu/news/plant-parent

But in case you do encounter a wayward nut and parenthood isn’t for you:

Planned Parenthood 470 Pleasant St, Worcester, MA 01609

At 9:55 AM, the Honda Civic was again spotted in the empty drive through of the local Chick-fil-A, which opened only a few days before. The driver intermittently honked his horn, attempting to get the attention of the waitstaff, who were reportedly at home, enjoying their corporate-mandated “Day of The Lord.”

At 10:03 AM, one student exited the vehicle, and attempted to enter the restaurant through the locked front doors. Shortly after, the student spent several, confused minutes peering through the storefront windows, searching for some sign of life inside.

By 10:15 AM, all four gentlemen were seated on the curb in front of the building, openly weeping. One student, still in denial, began frantically asking Siri “why bad things happen to good people,” while the other three made a beeline for the nearest Popeye’s.

When asked about the incident, the student who was left behind whispered quietly, “All I wanted was some God d*mn nuggies.”

This tragedy strikes deep sorrow throughout the greater WPI community. The Institute hopes to raise awareness about the unfortunate hours of the new restaurant, in order to prevent further heartbreak.