Meanwhile at UMass: Students Still Recovering After Syllabus Month


This is a part of an ongoing series by The Institute to expose students to what life is like outside the WPI bubble.

The second semester has kicked off at colleges nationwide. Students are forced to return from the sanctuary of their Netflix-filled breaks and trudge back into the classroom for another 4 months. At WPI, the adjustment time back into class typically takes about a day for the easy classes and about 4-6 minutes for some of the more intense classes. Other schools, on the other hand, take a more relaxed approach to preparing students for the semester ahead.

“Here at UMass Amherst, we take about a solid month to get students off their feet and motivated to do some work,” explained the Dean of Academic Affairs. “We advise our professors to slowly go through the 2 page syllabus and to save time for questions, as well as for drunk students to leave class 15 minutes early.”

What has been termed, “Syllabus Month,” has turned into a time for students to get wasted, plastered and intoxicated.

“I’ve blacked out every night this month,” one cross-faded senior exclaimed, “I missed the first two weeks of Syllabus Month and then blacked in when we were going over how many points the homeworks are worth.”

Professor’s are also on board with the campus’s policy to baby their students, “It’s great to really give them an indepth look at the curriculum,” one professor told The Institute, “You can tell most of them are tired and hungover so I don’t want to work them too hard, normally we’ll go over one or two bullet points and then wrap up for the day. It’s a good way to ease them into it.”

Now that the month is coming to a close, the campus has taken on a solemn tone as students begin grapple with the thought of having to complete actual work. But the majority of the students seem relatively unphased. “It really doesn’t even matter to me that syllabus month is over, “ a hipster sophomore explained, “ I came here to take a joke major and easy classes and I am still going to continue partying at the same pace I do now.”

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