Uptick in COVID Cases Results in “Gulag” Battles at Townhouses


Due to student body confusion surrounding the message of “don’t leave campus” over WPI’s abbreviated spring break, there has been an increase in the amount of positive COVID-19 tests. Aside from a heightened risk to the community, this left the administration with a big problem: more students to put into isolation than space in the isolation townhouses. 

Effective immediately, the administration has decided to implement a “gulag-style” 1v1 battle for which students have to stay in the townhouses. Similar to the feature of the popular video game, “Call of Duty: Warzone,” those banished to isolation must fight a fellow isolated student to leave the townhouses, with the winner getting to return to their Worcester residency.

Students involved in the Society for Medieval Arts and Sciences, known for their weekly LARPing on the quad, are excited by the policy change, and are reportedly attempting to catch the disease for a chance to test their combat in a real setting. 

“We understand that it’s a risk to send positive cases back to their residences, but we simply don’t have the capacity for all of them,” an administrator who chose to remain anonymous explained. “Our hope is that the injuries they may sustain prevent them from moving around for the next 10 days anyways.” WPI aims to solve the problem of housing space with the 2.4% tuition increase for next semester.