COVID Testing Proctors Replaced with Inflatable Tube Men


Citing budget cuts and a realization that it was the easiest job in the world, WPI has begun replacing covid test administrators with large wavy inflatable tubes. Every minute, the tubes repeat the phrase, “So you’ve done this before?” and continuously point the way to an open station. 

On occasion, the speaker will play recordings of awkward small talk to the testee. Those students who are worried about the clarity of the recordings can be assured that 15% of the time, the recordings will sound muffled and inaudible, just like the old proctors. The laser vision of the tube-people will also be able to spray hand sanitizer at problematic or slow students, thanks to the addition of repurposed super-soakers. Wait times will be at a record low, because of this new method, or perhaps attributable to most students having already gotten sick.

Some students who are suspicious of the effectiveness of the tube-people, bring up concerns that some testees won’t use the hand sanitizer properly. That is why WPI designed the TechFlex Hand Sanitizer Water Gun®. IMGD testees who are extra smelly can trigger the latex TechFlex sanitizer patrol and will get doused with grade A alcohol that wipes off the filth from the dirtiest WPI students.