Hungover Students Tragically Forget that Chick-fil-A is Closed on Sundays


WORCESTER, MA – At 9:47 AM on the morning of November 5th, 2017, 4 WPI students were seen groggily entering a silver Honda Civic, headed northbound on Park Ave. Eyewitnesses described one of the passengers as about 5’10, wearing dark sunglasses and looking ‘like he got too lit last night’. All four passengers were wearing gray sweatpants with the cryptic phrase, ”Fd nrT/V √-1” on the left leg, potentially signifying gang-related activities.

At 9:55 AM, the Honda Civic was again spotted in the empty drive through of the local Chick-fil-A, which opened only a few days before. The driver intermittently honked his horn, attempting to get the attention of the waitstaff, who were reportedly at home, enjoying their corporate-mandated “Day of The Lord.”

At 10:03 AM, one student exited the vehicle, and attempted to enter the restaurant through the locked front doors. Shortly after, the student spent several, confused minutes peering through the storefront windows, searching for some sign of life inside.

By 10:15 AM, all four gentlemen were seated on the curb in front of the building, openly weeping. One student, still in denial, began frantically asking Siri “why bad things happen to good people,” while the other three made a beeline for the nearest Popeye’s.

When asked about the incident, the student who was left behind whispered quietly, “All I wanted was some God d*mn nuggies.”

This tragedy strikes deep sorrow throughout the greater WPI community. The Institute hopes to raise awareness about the unfortunate hours of the new restaurant, in order to prevent further heartbreak.