WPI Contemplates Move to ½-Ply


Citing economical reasons, administrators announced this past week that they are considering replacing the already-brutal 1-ply toilet paper in all residence halls and academic buildings with a thinner, eco-friendly half-ply paper.

With a texture comparable to 400 grit sandpaper, the proposed toilet paper has been met with harsh opposition from the student bodies.

“This is so rough”, said one student of the decision.

“I know these decisions can be a real pain in the ass, but at the end of the day it’s really about what’s best for the budget,” one administrator told The Institute.

The new toilet paper was reportedly engineered by a WPI MQP team, using a robot that splits 1-ply toilet paper with nanometer precision.

“The move to ½-ply should save us over $60,000 per year,” estimated a residential services employee. “That could pay for a full scholarship for a deserving student. Or, better yet, another Tesla for an administrator! Have you seen that new Model 3?”

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