Lone Asshole Takes Up Entire Table Meant for Six


At approximately 3PM local time, sources reported that WPI sophomore Jerry Thompson walked right past the desks designed for individual use, and sat himself down at a library table designed to fit anywhere from 6-8 individuals.

In contrast with earlier assumptions that he was simply reserving a table for a group meeting, Thompson told Institute reporters that he was in fact working alone, with no intentions of meeting up with other students – a development which sparked cries of outrage from tables as far away as IT Help Desk.

Top table engineers at TableCo Inc. confirmed that the table was indeed designed to seat 6 individuals, but could safely accommodate up to 8 depending on the availability of auxiliary chairs.

A resourceful engineer at heart, Thompson reportedly reserved an entire chair for backpack storage, and used another for a footrest, while splaying his work widely across the table.

“Damn, it’s really packed in here today,” noted Thompson astutely before discreetly placing his Nalgene in front of a fourth seat, as if to suggest a presence of other peers, who had simply gone to the bathroom for a second and “would totally be right back.”

At press time, Thompson was seen slowly scrolling through his Facebook news feed to the disgust of passersby.