Administration Approves ‘Keystone Light XL’ Pipeline to Deliver Low Quality Beer to Fraternities
Under new administration, the Keystone XL pipeline has been seeking new ownership after deals with the US government fell through. Excitingly, this came with...
The Institute Investigates: The George C. Gordon Saunas
Following a slew of student complaints about the scorching temperature of WPI’s George C. Gordon library, administration has announced a new direction for the...
WPI Greek Life Bans Solo Cups From All Fraternities
After reports surfaced over the weekend of a single Natural Light beer being poured into a solo cup somewhere on campus, the administration’s top...
Foisie Name Stripped, But Digital Consciousness Remains
Many students were shocked today to see the face of WPI donor Robert Foisie on the propaganda screen of the Innovation...
WPI Waiver Fest 2k17: Safe, Legal, and with Just a Hint of Fun!
This week, The Student Waivers Office (SWO) announced its newest fun-filled campus event: Waiver Fest 2k17, which will be ‘duly executed’ on the quadrangle...
Administration Preps for Accepted Students, Orders Facilities to Neglect Places Tour Groups Won’t See
Spring is in the air. For WPI, this means two things: a slightly decreased sense of student misery and a vast increase in potential...
Greasy Pretzels, Sticky Fingers to Top off $49 Million Innovation Studio
Despite pesky student feedback requesting, “a 21st century restaurant” and “literally anything that doesn’t make me gassy,” WPI is moving forward with bold plans...
Amidst Controversy, WPI Plans to Release “Tech Quran”
WPI is chock-full of time-honored traditions. One such tradition takes place during new student orientation, where each freshman receives a ‘Tech Bible.’ The WPI...
WPI Contemplates Move to ½-Ply
Citing economical reasons, administrators announced this past week that they are considering replacing the already-brutal 1-ply toilet paper in all residence halls and academic...
Uptick in COVID Cases Results in “Gulag” Battles at Townhouses
Due to student body confusion surrounding the message of “don’t leave campus” over WPI’s abbreviated spring break, there has been an increase...
