Administration Preps for Accepted Students, Orders Facilities to Neglect Places Tour Groups Won’t See

Spring is in the air. For WPI, this means two things: a slightly decreased sense of student misery and a vast increase in potential...

Administration Approves ‘Keystone Light XL’ Pipeline to Deliver Low Quality Beer to Fraternities

Under new administration, the Keystone XL pipeline has been seeking new ownership after deals with the US government fell through. Excitingly, this came with...

COVID Testing Proctors Replaced with Inflatable Tube Men

Citing budget cuts and a realization that it was the easiest job in the world, WPI has begun replacing covid test administrators with large...

HoverBoards Deemed Too Risky for School’s Overwhelming Unathletic Population

This past Tuesday the administration released a memo restricting the use and storage of hoverboards in residence halls and dining halls. The memo came...

Foisie Innovation Studio Plans Unveiled, Just Robotics Lab with Beds

The great institution of WPI was the first school in the nation to offer a bachelor’s degree program in Robotics Engineering. Needless to say,...

Amidst Controversy, WPI Plans to Release “Tech Quran”

WPI is chock-full of time-honored traditions. One such tradition takes place during new student orientation, where each freshman receives a ‘Tech Bible.’ The WPI...

Uptick in COVID Cases Results in “Gulag” Battles at Townhouses

Due to student body confusion surrounding the message of “don’t leave campus” over WPI’s abbreviated spring break, there has been an increase...

Greasy Pretzels, Sticky Fingers to Top off $49 Million Innovation Studio

Despite pesky student feedback requesting, “a 21st century restaurant” and “literally anything that doesn’t make me gassy,” WPI is moving forward with bold plans...

The Institute Investigates: The George C. Gordon Saunas

Following a slew of student complaints about the scorching temperature of WPI’s George C. Gordon library, administration has announced a new direction for the...

WPI Contemplates Move to ½-Ply

Citing economical reasons, administrators announced this past week that they are considering replacing the already-brutal 1-ply toilet paper in all residence halls and academic...