“Foisie’s Open Floor Plan Perfect For Closing Large Sections Off” Says WPI Administration
In last Monday’s press release, WPI administration clarified that the I&E room in Foisie Innovation Studio will be closed to the public starting on...
Administration Approves ‘Keystone Light XL’ Pipeline to Deliver Low Quality Beer to Fraternities
Under new administration, the Keystone XL pipeline has been seeking new ownership after deals with the US government fell through. Excitingly, this came with...
Administration Preps for Accepted Students, Orders Facilities to Neglect Places Tour Groups Won’t See
Spring is in the air. For WPI, this means two things: a slightly decreased sense of student misery and a vast increase in potential...
Foisie Name Stripped, But Digital Consciousness Remains
Many students were shocked today to see the face of WPI donor Robert Foisie on the propaganda screen of the Innovation...
Greasy Pretzels, Sticky Fingers to Top off $49 Million Innovation Studio
Despite pesky student feedback requesting, “a 21st century restaurant” and “literally anything that doesn’t make me gassy,” WPI is moving forward with bold plans...
The Institute Investigates: The George C. Gordon Saunas
Following a slew of student complaints about the scorching temperature of WPI’s George C. Gordon library, administration has announced a new direction for the...
Uptick in COVID Cases Results in “Gulag” Battles at Townhouses
Due to student body confusion surrounding the message of “don’t leave campus” over WPI’s abbreviated spring break, there has been an increase...
WPI Contemplates Move to ½-Ply
Citing economical reasons, administrators announced this past week that they are considering replacing the already-brutal 1-ply toilet paper in all residence halls and academic...
HoverBoards Deemed Too Risky for School’s Overwhelming Unathletic Population
This past Tuesday the administration released a memo restricting the use and storage of hoverboards in residence halls and dining halls. The memo came...
Huge Pit Reopened, Marking Annual Burial of MQP Reports
Excavators were spotted in a blaze of mechanical fury early Monday morning by Atwater Kent¹. As any WPI veteran will tell you,...
