Administration Approves ‘Keystone Light XL’ Pipeline to Deliver Low Quality Beer to Fraternities

Under new administration, the Keystone XL pipeline has been seeking new ownership after deals with the US government fell through. Excitingly, this came with...

“Foisie’s Open Floor Plan Perfect For Closing Large Sections Off” Says WPI Administration

In last Monday’s press release, WPI administration clarified that the I&E room in Foisie Innovation Studio will be closed to the public starting on...

Foisie Name Stripped, But Digital Consciousness Remains

Many students were shocked today to see the face of WPI donor Robert Foisie on the propaganda screen of the Innovation...

Greasy Pretzels, Sticky Fingers to Top off $49 Million Innovation Studio

Despite pesky student feedback requesting, “a 21st century restaurant” and “literally anything that doesn’t make me gassy,” WPI is moving forward with bold plans...

WPI Contemplates Move to ½-Ply

Citing economical reasons, administrators announced this past week that they are considering replacing the already-brutal 1-ply toilet paper in all residence halls and academic...

WPI Greek Life Bans Solo Cups From All Fraternities

After reports surfaced over the weekend of a single Natural Light beer being poured into a solo cup somewhere on campus, the administration’s top...

Foisie Innovation Studio Plans Unveiled, Just Robotics Lab with Beds

The great institution of WPI was the first school in the nation to offer a bachelor’s degree program in Robotics Engineering. Needless to say,...

The Institute Investigates: The George C. Gordon Saunas

Following a slew of student complaints about the scorching temperature of WPI’s George C. Gordon library, administration has announced a new direction for the...

COVID Testing Proctors Replaced with Inflatable Tube Men

Citing budget cuts and a realization that it was the easiest job in the world, WPI has begun replacing covid test administrators with large...

Uptick in COVID Cases Results in “Gulag” Battles at Townhouses

Due to student body confusion surrounding the message of “don’t leave campus” over WPI’s abbreviated spring break, there has been an increase...